Archive for the ‘ Passing Thoughts ’ Category

Think about it.

 No man can walk out on his own story.

Coffee Break

As I was sitting here trying to work on my manga, I reached over for my coffee and suddenly felt a sense of guilt.  I’ve been having a lot of coffee this week.

Then, I hear:

Without instant access to caffeine and sugar we’d all be homicidal.

– Natsumi Hinata (Sgt. Frog)

Is this a coincidence?

I think not.

(Aiming for publishing a preview this weekend)

Living Life

For almost the past decade, I’ve been living three lives.  There’s virtual life, real life, and dream life.  I separate the three because I feel like I play different roles in each of them and they’re so independent from each other that it’s only natural that I distinguish the three  individually.

Real life is the life that I started with.

It used to be the one and only life I had, but now it seems that this part is insignificant compared to the others.  In real life, I feel invisible.  I’m to the point of almost non-existent, but for some reason I’m forced to go through this life.  It’s mandatory, really.  It doesn’t matter what I do or where I am, except for the school-related parts.  So, I usually spend this life just observing and daydreaming.

Enter virtual life.

Virtual life has been the dominating life for me.  In virtual life, I’m not invisible at all.  In fact, I have so many responsibilities in this life that I can’t keep up with it all.  There’s always people waiting for me, needing help or just wanting to hang out.  In this life, it always matters where I am and what I’m doing.  Sometimes, it’s tiring, but I usually feel happy at the end of it.

Dream life is where everything converges.

In this life, I have absolutely no control of anything.  I dream every night and usually they’re very elaborate dreams.  I can’t choose who appears in my dreams or what I do.  The places I visit in my dreams are usually reoccurring and are often a mix between real life places and virtual ones.  The people who appear in my dreams are usually the people I hang out with the most.  Naturally, the players are usually the people I know online.

So…

Of course, out of the three, my favorite would be virtual life.  I’ve always wondered if I could just make virtual life into real life, but it’s without a doubt impossible.  At times, I find virtual things that I desperately wish I could bring with me to real life, but this can never happen.  I’ve long since come to the conclusion that virtual life will always be just that, nothing more.

Lately, there seems to be a shift in my lives.  Suddenly, people are noticing me in real life.  People are waiting for me, talking to me, hanging out with me.  Sure, this seems normal enough for a regular person, but for someone who does not exist, it’s quite stressful to suddenly be acknowledged.  It’s like when a kid puts on his “invisibility cloak” and his mom talks to him.  He’s like, “Whoa!  How can you see me?!  I’m invisible!”

At the same time, my virtual life is starting to fade slowly.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been so busy with school or what, but it seems like I don’t know what’s going on at all.  You start getting that “do I need to be here?” type of feeling.

It’s all really unsettling.  I’ve been dreaming more and more about real life.  Sometimes I wish I could just dream forever, so I wouldn’t have to do anything at all.  Just let my subconscious sort it out for me.